Ann
Dear Jeanne: I have had herpes since 1986. It is something that haunts you and reminds you of your poor choices every time it rears its ugly head. You might tell your friend that a true friend is someone who trys to make you feel better about yourself when you're down, not someone who makes you feel worse. It would seem to me that your friend is significantly younger than you. Typically, there is nothing wrong with that. I also have friends quite a bit younger than myself. However, it seems that your friend has a lot of growing up to do. He may be a good friend in many areas, but this is not one of them. He seems to be lacking quite a bit of maturity and sensitivity. Perhaps, this is an area that should be off limits in your friendship. It might be a good idea to tell him that if he doesn't want to lose your friendship, either this subject should not be discussed or he needs to learn to be a true friend and not sit in judgment. If not, maybe you need to take a better look at your friendship and decide if you want to be with people who make you feel bad about yourself. As far as spending your life alone, there is no reason why that should be. I know I felt the same way. I am now married and have a 6 year old son. When I was dating, I was terrified that as soon as I told someone I had herpes, that would mean the end of the relationship. Therefore, I learned not to tell someone until I was sure there was some feeling there. Not just on my part, but on his as well. Clearly, if someone truly cares for you, it won't get in the way. Just make sure you don't have sex too early on and let him know you would go to any length to protect him from getting it. When I told my husband, (he was not the one to infect me), I was terrified. I loved him, but I couldn't live a lie. I thought he would say goodbye. At first, he didn't say anything, then, when I asked him what he thought, he said I love you and we just have to be careful. Since that time, it hasn't affected our relationship one bit. When I have an outbreak, we don't have intercourse. I even had an outbreak when I gave birth to our son. So, I had a "C" section and everything is great. You just have to find the right guy. That takes time in the best of circumstances. But don't you dare think the right guy isn't out there for you even with this baggage. IT WILL HAPPEN. Be as honest as you can, just not too honest too soon with the wrong person. If you do that, it will affect you negatively for the wrong reason. TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH THAT GUY. IF HE KEEPS REMINDING YOU OF YOUR PAST MISTAKES, MAYBE YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS ONE OF THEM. GOOD LUCK